Week 21/22: Choir, Choir, and more Choir

The last two weeks have been full of choir rehearsals, preparing to conduct choir rehearsals, trying to remember my numbers in Polish so I don't sound completely retarded (just mostly retarded) in choir rehearsal, preparing arrangements for choir rehearsals, finding people to sing in church choirs, a very nice choir concert by the Polish Chamber Choir, composing new choral music, and a composition competition for sacred choral music.

Singing in choir. I really love singing in a good choir. There's something so satisfying about having your whole physical body as your instrument and resonating with others around you. Creating a beautifully blended choral sound is much harder than it seems on the surface. It takes a great deal of control for everyone to match their vowel sounds across the ensemble, to listen and balance a whole herd of differently colored voices, and have them all come together and agree on tempos, rubato sections, and expressive passages. This list could really go on and on. When all these things come together, the sound, and the sensation for the singers is wonderful and very addicting. We're really blessed to have such a wonderful vocal coach in our Musica Sacra Cathedral choir, Pawel's wife, Joanna Lukaszewska. She is so helpful in getting us thinking the right way for our vocal mechanisms to work correctly and together. If the voices are not working together technically, no amount of expression or style or anything else can make up for it. Hard work.

Conducting a choir. I was fortunate to receive my conducting training from a very gifted orchestral conductor, Robert Tueller. I worked on that technique through conducting student and community orchestras while living in Idaho. I later had great training in choral conducting while at CCM from Brett Scott, a fine Canadian conductor. Between the two, orchestral and choral conducting, I'm still more comfortable with orchestral ensembles. I feel a little naked without my baton--it's a whole different set of gestures and movements to invoke good vocal and breathing technique. This seems a little weird to me as I think about it because I've been singing in choirs most of my life, but I've only played in orchestras since I picked up the double bass during my bachelors degree. I spent a great deal of time working as a pianist with string players, and then I married one. A lot of my advanced musical learning happened during the time when I was developing that side of my musicality. Maybe that's part of it. I think the hardest thing about choral conducting, at least for me, is not singing along with the choir. This is a very common bad habit among conductors, and not only choral conductors.  This is something that every conducting teacher tries to knock out of their students from the beginning. As the conductor, your first and most important job is to judge, gently correct, and evoke greater performances from your musicians. The truth is, how can you hear what your ensemble is doing, and therefore, how can you adequately judge their performance and know how to help them correct their playing or singing if the main thing you're hearing is your own voice? As one who loves to sing, this is especially hard when conducting a choir. I want to join in the fun of singing. It is even more difficult for me to control this urge when conducting a less polished choir ('polished', as in furniture polish, not 'Polish-ed' like the country or people). It seems so easy to just sing their part for them so they can hear it and then sing it correctly. This might be okay once or twice to help them along, but then having already allowed myself to vocalize, it becomes even harder to hold back. I heard a choral conducting teacher from Eastman say that singing their parts for them as a means of helping them get it right should not be the conductors first 'go-to', to fix the problem. First, let them try it a second time without giving any correction. If they mess up again, have the pianist play their part and then try a third time. Then, if they continue to sing it incorrectly, sing it for or with them. (I'm sure that if anyone from my Mormon church choir is reading this, they're probably thinking to themselves, "you sang all during rehearsal tonight, what's the deal?" Yes, I know, and I'm sorry. Like I said, it's hard for me to control sometimes, especially when our time to prepare is short and what will most likely fix most peoples problems in this case is having a strong singer next to them blasting their part in their ears. I shouldn't try to be both the conductor and the helpful neighbor singer. Bad habit.) But, like singing in a choir, even the most amateur choir, when we get it right and become many voices but one sound, it is very exhilarating to conduct a choir.

Composing for choir. I know I've gone on and on before about my teacher Pawel Lukaszewski, but he really is such a great composer and especially when it comes to writing for choir. My hope in coming to work with him was to get to know more intimately the inner workings of good choral writing. I'm certainly not fluent yet, but he has been such a great help. We had a 2 hour lesson this past week looking at some of my older choral pieces that were written before I had ever worked with a teacher who knew anything about choral techniques. It was so helpful, though humbling, to see where I had made mistakes and to understand how those mistakes effect the sound the choir makes. I realized in that lesson that I had always approached choral writing the way I would approach good string ensemble writing. Like in my conducting, I feel very comfortable in my writing when working with strings. Though I have spent far more time sing in choirs than playing in orchestras, I have spent far more time studying deeply the inner workings of good symphonic string writing than choral writing. It is common knowledge among composers that it is much more difficult to write for our own instrument that we've played for so many years, than for other instruments. We are so close to the instrument and it has become so natural for us, that it can be very difficult to back away and approach it from a compositional point of view rather than a performing point of view. This is true for me to an extent with piano music because I am a pianist, but it is even more the case when it comes to choral music. I have always felt that my most natural performing vehicle is my voice, and more specifically, my choral voice as opposed to my solo voice; that's a whole different thing. I'm learning now that I need to spend much more time analyzing and dissecting great choral works to observe the minutia from the composers point of view, the way I have done with string writing. There's so much to learn. The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know and need to learn.

Upcoming Choral Performances. I am very pleased to have a good handful of performances coming up over the next 2 months. I will give a recital of my own compositions at the Chopin University on Sunday, 4 March (see Facebook for details). There will also be 5 additional performances of selections from my new, 6 movement choral piece Missa 'Musica Sacra' by choirs in Poland, Germany, and Cincinnati. Each of these performances will use the piece liturgically (in their church services [both Catholic and Episcopal]), as was my intent when writing the work. The best part of these performances has been the emails that I've received from the conductors as they prepare the works. They are very happy with the piece and find it fitting for their worship services. This really makes me feel glad, especially that they can be useful pieces for worship. I thought that many would not be interested in considering music by a Mormon composer for use in services of other denominations. I'm so glad to be able to share my feelings for God and Scripture through music and have it mean something to people of various faiths and affiliations.

Choral composition competitions. This weekend Pawel has been out of town facilitating the judging for a composition competition that he organizes every year. For this competition the applicants submit a cappella, sacred choral works in an attempt to win one of four prizes. http://www.competition.waw.pl/. There are the typical 1st, 2nd, and 3rd prizes which receive cash and performances by great choirs. The 4th award is labeled, "Special prize of the Archbishop of Cologne for liturgical character of the work". The city and clergy differ from year to year based on where the judging is held. Cash, a performance, and a recording are involved with this prize. I was very happy to receive word yesterday that I had won the award for the "liturgical character of the work" for my piece Agnus Dei for double chorus. It is the final movement of my Missa 'Musica Sacra' that I mentioned above re-arranged from the original SATB and organ to a double SATB a cappella setting. You can see the official announcement at this link. It will be performed and recorded at the Gaude Mater festival in Czestochowa during the first days of May. My teacher and I will travel together to be there for the festival performances and recording. I have won composition prizes before, but this is my first one for a choral piece, though I've tried many times. If I didn't already have proof enough that I was learning a ton from Pawel, I know have this tangible proof; I composed this piece under his tutelage. Thank you Pawel, you're the greatest!! It's really true. Gorecki's dead and Penderecki's getting really old. Who else is there in Poland who can match what you're accomplishing in choral music??!!!

Week 20: The Question of Music and Emotion

It's late Sunday night and I'm out of steam. So, instead of writing a long blog post, I will share an interesting article that I recently read about an old argument in classical music, that is, music's ability or lack of ability to have or create emotion. This article was written by the great Jazz Pianist, Brad Mehldau in response to a statement made by one of the 20th centuries greatest composers, Igor Stravinsky. I hope you enjoy it.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2011/sep/15/brad-mehldau-music-expression-stravinsky

Week 19: A Week or Two With Neruda

Well, I have not been getting out much this week. It is the break between semesters and my teacher is out of town. This means that I have no school and no choir. So, I'm using the time to finish my new set of piano pieces which are to be delivered to the Barlow Endowment office at BYU on or before February 1st. I received a commission to compose 20-25 minute set of piano pieces and am basing them on some poems of the great Chilean Poet, Pablo Neruda. In the U.S., whenever a composer has the thought to use a text in Spanish, it is almost always Neruda.

For some reason, almost no one thinks of the other great Chilean poet, Gabriela Mistral. She was Neruda's teacher and life-long friend and correspondant. She was also the first Chilean, and first South American to win the Nobel Prize for Literature (1945); Neruda was the second Chilean laureate (1971).

I have set many of her poems; you can hear some of this music on my website: En Los Muros de Arles, and Rondas. I suppose that one of the reasons that people always think of Neruda first is the truth of this statement made by another South American Nobel Literature laureate, Gabriel García Márquez (1982), of One Hundred Years of Solitude and Love in the Time of Cholera fame, Neruda was "the greatest poet of the 20th century in any language". Instead of using his poems for vocal pieces, I've decided to use them to inspire some piano sounds. Well, it's more than just the poems of Neruda--it's the whole atmosphere they create, the land they depict, the emotions they tap, the smell of Chile they bring back to my nostrils, the love for his wife in them, and the last testament he left before his death.

During the last 6-8 months of his life, he was working on 8 books of poetry simultaneously. The plan was to have these books published and available for sale on his 70th birthday, 12 July 1974. But, he died 23 September 1973 before finishing any of the books or becoming a septuagenarian. If you're familiar with Chilean history, you will recognize that his death date is only 12 days after the coup d'etat which took place on 11 September 1973, exactly 28 years before 9-11. A quick side note: I was in Chile on 9-11 when the Twin Towers were attacked; I was 3 weeks away from finishing my 2 year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was a very scary day to be an American in Chile because our government, under Richard Nixon, funded the efforts of Augosto Pinochet and the Chilean Armed Forces to overthrow the communist government under President Salvador Allende. Many Chileans were thrilled to see something bad happen to the U.S. on the anniversary of our involvement in the coup.

Pinochet

Pinochet

Allende

Allende and Neruda, who were good friends.

Presidential palace being bombed by Pinochet's forces on 11 September 1973. Allende killed himself during the attack, not willing to surrender.

Another side note: for the first year of my mission I heard only bad things about Pinochet. I heard horror stories about what a terrible dictator he was and how he extracted information from those who were though to be involved with the communist goings-on; torture, bamboo shoots under fingernails, water-boarding, etc. When I was transfered to Copiapo, where the Chilean miners were trapped, I was shocked to see a framed picture of Pinochet on my Mamitas wall right next to Jesus and our Prophet. I asked her why she put the dictator up as if he were to be honored like those other men. She sat me down and explained how terrible it was to live in Chile before the coup. She explained that Pinochet did many things that he should not have, but that because of what he did, their country had risen out of poverty. She talked of mile long lines to buy bread or medicine and how difficult it was to get help from the government with anything. So, to her, and to many others, Pinochet was a real hero. Pretty interesting point of view. There's an interesting film called The Battle of Chile that depicts all of this. There is another film about Pinochet and his trial in the UK, it is called Pinochet's Last Stand and he is played by no less a stalwart than Sir Derek Jacobi. 

So, back to Neruda, he died 12 days after the coup. Many communist sympathizers were being rounded up by the new regime and some were being eliminated. I just read the other day that there is new evidence to suggest that Neruda was murdered by the agents of the dictator rather than the coroner's report of prostate cancer. Neruda was a communist and had been exiled for it years earlier but had been re-instated as a Chilean citizen and returned to his home at Isla Negra. 

Commenting on Neruda's politics or the political happenings of the time are not my aim in these piano pieces, far from it. What I am doing is painting an aural portrait of the artist at the end of his life. In a way, I feel like it's a Requiem for Neruda the poet, the artist, the romantic. I have selected a series of 15 poems from his final book of the 8 unfinished volumes of poems, El Mar y Las Campanas (The Sea and the Bells), and creating a sort of narrative of the last days of his life. I attempt to take the listener through what I imagine to be Nerudas feelings about this things he loved most, the sea, bells, his homeland, and his wife. There is a great measure of my own life's current experiences and feelings mixed in all this. Image the following ingredients simmering together and you will get a sense for what is occurring in this work: Neruda, Matilde (his wife), E-flat (which sounds like the color blue to me), Chopin, silence, Schumann, multi-movement cycles, simplicity, the sea, death, the desire to be heard, salt, earth, passion. The work's title comes from a line in one of Neruda's poems, A La Orilla Azul del Silencio (On the Blue Shore of Silence). 

To get an even more detailed image of what I'm after, you need to watch the movie Il Postino which is about Neruda while he was in exile. At the very end, after learning the fate of his friend "the postman", Neruda goes to the beach for a swim. There is no dialogue and as far as I remember, no soundtrack. It's quite. He slips into the sea and begins to swim. Then, there is a shot from way out at see looking back at the shore where Neruda is swimming. That stunning image of the blue sea and the towering mountains on the shore and the feeling I had at the end of watching the film is exactly what I'm trying to portray. Interestingly enough, I'm not the only one who has tried to portray this. Daniel Catan, the late and great Mexican opera composer composed an opera a couple years ago to the idea of the film Il Postino. Neruda is played by the legendary tenor/bariton/conductor/impressario Placido Domingo. Luckily, my version of things is only being portraid in piano sounds. I wouldn't want to compete at all with this very well written opera.

Daniel Catan. I met him when he came to CCM 3 or 4 years ago and spoke to us in our composition seminar. 

Placido Domingo as Neruda.

Hopefully I'll finish in time, I'm burning the candle at both ends to make it.

More next week...

Week 18: Missa 'Musica Sacra'

This past week I finally had the opportunity to hear one of my newest pieces with real people singing the notes rather than the MIDI sounds that my computer produces. Hearing a new piece for the first time is always a little nerve racking. On the one hand, it is very exciting to finally give wings to the notes I've spent so much time starring at and moving around on 5 little lines. On the other hand, it is a very self-conscience and worrying experience like I'm revealing my insides. It can be kind of like one of those dreams where you're walking around at school in only your underwear. Luckily, this "first hearing" was very enjoyable. 

This new work, Missa 'Music Sacra', was written for our choir, the Musica Sacra Warsaw-Praga Cathedral Choir; hence the title. On the cover of the score is this picture of the Virgin Mary with baby Jesus. This is a very famous Polish painting of Mary called the "Black Madonna of Częstochowa". She, the Black Madonna, was crowned the Queen and protector of Poland in 1656 by the Polish King after a miracle where her picture was hung. She is said to be the source of multiple miracles that have occurred since that time. 

Since hearing and singing the piece this week in rehearsal, I've have come to view the title in a new way. In addition to the title being in honor of our choir, it is also a sort of manifesto--or I suppose credo is a better work in this context--on my feelings about "la musica sacra"; sacred music. Most of my musical creations that have something to do with the sacred, up to this point, have been LDS hymn arrangements. These are fine and I have enjoyed writing and performing them, but an arrangement of a pre-existing tune can be rather limiting, especially in the context of LDS worship services. I don't have anything wrong with these services or their musical requirements. But, I have been wanting to be more expressive that what is possible in that context with regard to my spiritual feelings and emotions. I decided that an original Mass setting would be a good place to try this out. An added bonus to writing a Mass is that if I do it the right way, it can be very useful to many different Christian denominations as their musical practices allow a little more freedom in worship services. If I'm going to write something about Jesus, why not share it with as many Christians as possible. 

The main reason that I decided to be a composer was because of the stirring emotions I experienced while listening and performing great pieces of music. You know that feeling when the music gets to fever pitch and then seems to explode with emotion? I'm thinking of the Hallelujah Chorus or the fuge-ing orchestral interlude in the last movement of Beethoven's 9th Symphony. I'm also thinking of the Saint-Saens organ symphony when the organ blasts open the 4th movement or the soaring string writing in Elgar's Nimrod variation from the Enigma Variations. There are many more such moments; the "Agnus Dei" in Bach's B-minor Mass, the whole St. Matthew Passion, the heart wrenching "Liebestod" at the end of Wagner's Tristan und Isolde, the climax of Barber's Adagio for Strings, and on and on and on. I wanted to learn how to make those moments happen; I still do. On Tuesday night, when we were going through the opening movement, Kyrie, I had one of those moments of musical ecstasy. I had to stop singing for a few seconds to stop my voice from choking-up. I even got a little teary. Then, it happened again in two additional movements (there are 6 in total). Everyone in the choir was so nice about the piece and applauded me as we ended rehearsal (I hope they weren't applauding because rehearsal was finally over and they didn't have to sing that music any more). I was happy that they were pleased because I was thinking of them while I wrote the piece. I hope it can be useful to them in the future and that they can feel the deep spiritual feeling that I tried to put in it. 

If anyone's interested in this topic of musical ecstasy, there is an interesting book called "Music, the Brain, and Ecstasy"; it's a very interesting read. Well, I'm completely in love with music, especially music that reaches down into my heart and squeezes. That's why I have to be a musician, I'm addicted to that feeling, I can't live without it. 

It has also been a good week because Janae came home from the hospital and is doing much better. She is having her blood checked every week for a month or 2 until they are sure she has recovered. She is also on a steroid. We feel very blessed that she recovered so quickly from what seemed like a very scary situation. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's time for you to give in to the pressure and get a Facebook account.

More next week.

Week 15/16/17: My Parents

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all! This holiday season has been wonderful! I flew home to be with my family on Tuesday, December 20th and returned to Poland on Tuesday, January 4th. We had a very nice holiday season passing Christmas and the New Year with family and friends. I cannot help but feel deeply grateful for all of my many blessings. For this blog post, I would like to pay another overdue tribute and give public thanks to my parents for all of the help they are giving our little family during my adventures in Poland.

John and Renee Pew were married on 27 October 1979 after a short (7 or 8 months) courtship. Their first child, me, was born exactly 10 months later, 27 August 1980. They had 5 more children over the next 14 years; Brian (6 April 1982), Jeffrey (22 July 1985), Katherine (still-born, delivered 10 February 1989), Bradley (24 January 1991), and Mary (21 March 1994). They were married in Oakland, California and spent most of the next 25 years in San Jose, California. In 2005--if I remember the date correctly--they moved to American Fork, Utah where they reside today. 

My parents are 2 of the most pro-active people I have ever met. They never seem to stop working or giving their time to worthy causes. First among these causes is their devotion to family. Living near us in San Jose were 3 of my father's 5 siblings and his parents. We were quite the host of Pews with dozens of cousins and family get-togethers for every major and minor holiday and important event in each-others lives. 

Secondly, my parents have always been very dedicated to their volunteer service in our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. From leading the organizations of men, women, young-men, young-women, and children, scouts, to organizing activities, service projects, choirs, musical pageants, and teaching early morning seminary classes 5 days a week. 

Third on the list of their devotions was their employment. For most people, this would be first on their list. While it has been of extreme importance to my parents, it has been in addition to the 2 items previously mentioned. My father has followed a career in computer science including programming, authoring, and managing. I remember a time when we saw him very rarely because he was working to author a book about the then brand new computer language, Java. He was learning the language, writing a book and classes on it, all at the same time. Yet, he still found the time to have dinner with us every night and serve in the church. 

My mother's profession has been the raising of her children. She has been a most dedicated and supportive and quasi-slave to her children's development, education, church experience, sports interests, music lessons, dance classes, and much, much, more. No full-time working father can ever understand and appreciate all that this kind of mother does. Being the first of her flock, I have been able to observe from the distance of my age, her mothering in action with my younger siblings. Thinking back on this now, and with the added understanding I have from observing all that my own wife does for our children, I am completely baffled at all she has accomplished. I have been extremely blessed to have such a mother. 

In addition to these preeminent priorities--family, church, and employment--my parents always seem to find time for additional duties or hobbies. My father has been involved in conducting community orchestras and recently started a new one from scratch. Labeling him as solely the conductor of these orchestras is probably the understatement of the month. He is the fund raiser, the director of the board, the audition-er, the stage manager, the personel manager, the librarian, the music director, and the conductor. This could be a full-time-job, but it is in addition to all else that he is doing already. My mother is equally busy in her extra endeavors. She is forever sewing or making some craft for a friend or someone she knows, to say nothing of her endless tidying, cleaning, gardening, and scrubbing about the house. And, in the past few years, she has decided to find employment outside of the home and now works in the office of an oral surgeon 20-30 hours a week. 

My parents have been stalwart examples of service, of love, of respect to all, of kindness, of faith, of diligence, of selflessness. The are always ready to work, ready to help-out, ready to say "yes" to whomever calls on them. It is very rare to hear of them turning something or someone down. It is also very rare to hear them speek of someone in a negative way. When they are around others who have difficulty talking about anything but the negative, I have noticed a very conscious effort on their parts to change the subject to something positive or uplifting. I hope that I can live up to the legacy they have and are leaving for me and the rest of their children and grandchildren. I have often thought of my parents when I have heard this short poetic excerpt.

I have wept in the night

For the shortness of sight

That to somebody's need made me blind;

But I never have yet

Felt a tinge of regret

For being a little too kind.

    - Richard L. Evans

After Janae and I returned from our honeymoon in 2003, we held an Open House at my parents home in California. After the evening had ended, my father pulled me aside for a talk. We talked of the support he had given me so far in my college experience. At that time the tuition and room/board at BYU-Idaho were about the same amount. When I returned from my mission, we agreed that he would pay for one of these and I would work to pay the other. He told me that now, as I was married, he wanted me to take care of my complete educational expenses and be self-reliant. He said that if we were ever in real need, we could call on him for help. But it was time for me to step up to the plate and take it all on my own. I was 22 and more than a little nervous about this challenge. I felt a great desire to prove myself to him. I have had that feeling as long as I can remember. Maybe it has something to do with being the oldest child in the family, I'm not sure. But whatever the reason, I have worked harder than I thought I knew how since that time to never ask for any help so that I could live up to his expectations. To the best of my knowledge, I have done this in the almost 9 years that have past; that is, until now.

When Janae and I decided that it would be a good idea for me to apply for a Fulbright grant, it was with the expectation that we would be able to go on this adventure together with our children. I have known other Fulbrighters who have been able to do just that. We were blessed to receive the Fulbright. But when we read the acceptance papers more closely, we saw that very little aid would be offered for family members. If we had no children--or perhaps only one child--I think we could have managed this. But, we have three children. I won't go into all the details, but this simply would not work. A decision had to be made. Either I would have to reject the offer, or go without my family. We did not see how the second option could be possible. Where would they live? How would they have enough funds? How could I expect Janae to have to shoulder the parenting burden alone? As for the first option, we came very close to this. But, in the end, I think I would have regretted the decision all my life for what could have been. When talking with my mother about the decision, she said, "Janae and your kids can come and live with us. We will take care of them." Honestly, I had not even considered this option. But when she said it, suddenly I could see how this all might work out. Though it would still be difficult to be apart for 7-8 months, they would be with my parents, the people who I trust most of all. Additionally, Janae's parents are only 30 minutes away and have always been anxious to have her close-by again. So, with this gracious and completely selfless offer, we decided to follow through and accept the Fulbright. Now, though they have only once child left at home--my sister Mary, who is a senior in high school--their calm and perfectly taken-care-of home has become a den of wild animals; with broken trinkets, stained carpets, garbage cans filled with reeking diapers, a greatly increased decibil level, endless piles of laundry, spilled milk, spilled cereal, spilled urine, spilling tears, and a host of little greasy fingerprints on every conceivable surface. I'm sure I have only scratched the surface of the long list of new additions to their home. What makes my guilt swell all the more, is the knowledge that we in our family have, that in no other home on the planet is there a home-maker whose eye is more keen, more meticulous, more careful, more conscientious, more assiduous, more indefatigable, more all-seeing, or more all-knowing.

I'm sorry to blubber on so much in two consecutive posts, but I cannot help but thank my parents for what they are doing for me and my family. Mom and Dad, thank you! From the most tender and private regions of my heart, thank you! I wish that I was not placing this enormous burden on you, but I am incredibly grateful for your willingness to help and support us during this difficult time in our lives. As if I wasn't already in your eternal debt for being such wonderful parents, that debt has now increased exponentially. O that all children could have such parents!!!!

Week 14: My Angel, Janae Lauren Pew

For my last post before traveling to the U.S. for Christmas, I have chosen to pay a long overdue tribute to my beautiful wife, Janae. Janae is quite a private person and I'm sure she will be a little embarrassed by all of this talk about her. But, she is doing so much for me right now as I'm far away, that I need to send public praise and love to her through this post. In this case, I think it will be easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission.

I first met Janae when we were students at Brigham Young University-Idaho. In the fall semester of 2002, I was starting my Junior year and had returned from my 2-year mission to Northern Chile. As many readers know, but others may not, returned LDS missionaries are counseled to actively seek out marriage when they return from their missions. At this point I had been home from my mission for about a year and had already had my heart stomped on by 2 previous girl-friends. I decided to take a break from actively seeking out a spouse and focus more on my music studies. I had just returned to be a music major after a semester as a business major. Janae was just starting her college experience and was a young, 18-year-old, freshman music major. At the time, I was playing quite a lot of chamber music with violinists and cellists. One of the nicest things about being a male music major at BYU-Idaho, is that there are only a few dozen other males, but several hundred females.

Janae first caught my attention during a violin studio masterclass. I was attending and would be accompanying a couple of the violinists. This cute new freshman violinist took her turn performing the first movement of the Mozart 3rd violin concerto. What really caught my attention was that she consistently played in tune. This is not always the case with violinists. So, it was very nice to experience her pitch perfect performance. It was all the more pleasing because she was very attractive. I thought to myself, "maybe I could accompany her sometime."

We soon became aquatinted and I made it a point to stop and talk to her whenever I got the chance. I walked her home one night after a concert and we enjoyed talking together about our similar interest and excitement for chamber music. We also starting playing chamber music together. A particular favorite was the slow movement, "Adagio", from Brahms' 3rd violin sonata, Op. 108. (We still get this piece out, often when we're having disagreements, and it seems to solve everything.) We began to spend quite a lot of time together around the beginning of December and as the holidays approached, we became, more or less, official "boy-friend & girl-friend". On the last Thursday of school, 2 days before I was to return home to California for Christmas, we were sitting in her apartment eating lunch. She suddenly turned to me and asked, "so, are you thinking that you want to marry me?" I was completely caught off guard. Like I said before, I was not interested in a serious relationship after having a couple bad experiences. At that point, I hadn't thought at all about marrying her. I was simply enjoying our time together.

Well, after that, I couldn't stop thinking about it. She sent me home with one of those long, hand-written letters on nice paper with a ribbon on it and smelling of her perfume. I had planned to read the new Harry Potter, book 4 on my plane ride home. But for some reason, I couldn't stop reading her letter. I read it over and over again. During the next week, we talked for several hours a day on the telephone. It was very strange, but we seemed to grow closer and closer as the days passed that week. On Christmas Eve, we stopped during our conversation all of a sudden. We both said, almost in unison, "this is the real thing, we need to get married." My parents, who didn't even know I was dating anyone, were extremely surprised when I told them. We flew her to our home a few days after Christmas to meet my family. I then flew to Utah to meet her family a few days before returning to school. We shopped for a ring together and I made a formal proposal.

On our first day back at school, I was rehearsing the Beethoven Triple Concerto with 2 friends of mine in preparation for the concerto competition. The violinist, who was a friend of Janae's but in the same year as me, turned to me during a break and asked if I would like her to arrange a date for me and Janae. She had no idea that we had been dating or that we were in fact already engaged. We had kept everything very quite. Being a rather small music department, romance gossip was rampant so we had decided to keep our relationship quite. When I explained to my violin friend that I had already taken care of that myself and that we were know engaged, she was flabbergasted. I had to quickly explain the whole sequence of events. Well, the news spread after that and we soon joined the ranks of music major couples. We were married and sealed for "time and all eternity" at the end of that semester in the Mount Timpanogous temple, American Fork, Utah, 16 March 2003. It was the happiest day of my life. Janae turned 19 only 40 days before our marriage. And no, we did not get married so quickly because she was pregnant. We did not have our first until September of 2005. What else can I say, we were madly in love. We couldn't deny it and decided to start our lives together right away. It was the perfect choice.

 (See, I was once thin, handsome, and not so bald!!)

(Coming out of the temple a few minutes after our marriage/sealing ceremony.)

(Our parents and grandparents--Pew's on the left, Hansen's and Bluhm's on the right.)

We spent the next 4 years at BYU-Idaho. After I graduated, I taught full-time for the music department while Janae finished her degree in Violin performance and pedagogy. We had our first baby, Aubrey Christine Pew on 17 September 2005.

Janae nearly died from eclampsia and had multiple seizures. It was horrifying. Luckily, she made a full recovery and was able to get back to her schooling after taking a semester off to recover. About 18 months after Aubrey's birth, we learned that we were expecting our 2nd baby. This time, Janae did not want to have a C-section. She wanted to try natural child birth without any pain medication or epidural. We took a 12-week course in relaxation for birth and she had our boy, Zachary Alan Pew, on 11 August 2007.

(Less than an hour after giving birth to Zach. It was a 42 hour labor, but she only had to push for about 10 minutes.)

She had no pain medication and was incredible at coping with the painful contractions and complete birthing process. She did not even shout or cry out in pain. She learned to completely block out the pain and stay focused on what she had to do to give labor. I don't think I've ever been more proud of anyone, especially after the disaster of our first birthing experience. I think that was the first time that I really started to realize what an angel I had married. I saw something in her that day that completely blew my mind. Even as I'm writing this and remembering that day and those feelings, I have to wipe the tears from my eyes. What I did not yet mention is that she had this baby knowing that in just 3 weeks, were expected to be in Cincinnati where I was to begin graduate school.

We made the long trek across the plains of the United States and began to settle on the Kentucky side of Cincinnati. Already, it seemed like I had asked too much of my poor, sweet wife. Now, I was busy at school and leaving her to take care of the two, very small children without me. I helped as much as I could, but I was gone a ton.

She joined a local gym and got a job working in the day care one day week to cover the membership fee. It was a hard time for me, going back to school after being a full-time professor. She was a great support.

(Helping at Aubrey's pre-school field trip.)

(Aubrey's third birthday party. . .)

(. . . Janae made the princess birthday cake)

I think she started to really enjoy motherhood during this time. She was always so good and making the kids feel special on their birthdays by making them special ladybug or shark cupcakes form scratch. She also started teaching Aubrey to play the violin. She began cultivating a loving spirit in our home and in our family.

During the first year of my doctorate, we had an unmistakable prompting from God while we were attending the temple. It was time for another baby to come into our family. A similar prompting had come twice before with Aubrey and Zach. By this time, we knew how to recognize the prompting and knew that it would be a great blessing. 

The day I found out that we were pregnant with out third, I had a composition lesson at school with the head of the division of musicology, theory, and composition. I was so excited, I couldn't help share the good news. When I told him that we were expecting, he hesitated for a minute, and I saw the thought go through his mind, "are you CRAZY!!?!!?" But, he was very nice and congratulated me. By this time, I think I had proven that I was a dedicated family man, but that I was also very dedicated to my education and chosen career path. I don't think I ever gave him real cause to worry. At least I hope. Anyway, Corynne Louise Pew was born on 10 October 2010 after another natural child birth. Janae was amazing again. She had such control over her emotions while feeling intense, 60 second, skull splitting contractions, that the nurse was skeptical about her being in labor. When she saw that she was almost fully dilated and the bag of waters was ready to burst, she finally believed that we were not first-time parents and knew what we were doing. She was about to send us home. It's a good thing she didn't because Corynne was born 45 minutes later.

(Are women supposed to look this good less than an hour after child birth?)

(About a week after Corynned was born. Janae has already dropped back to her pre-wedding weight of 125 pounds.)

Not too many months after Corynne was born, I received this Fulbright grant that I'm fulfilling now in Poland. When I applied, we had hoped that there would be enough funds for the whole family to relocate together. Unfortunately, the funds were not sufficient. We had to decide between not accepting the Fulbright, or being apart for 7-9 months. We prayed and prayed and talked and talked trying to decide what to do. We finally decided, with the enormously wonderful help of my parents, that I should take the Fulbright. When the time came, we found renters for our condo in Kentucky, boxed all of our belongs into a storage unit, stuffed the three kids into the back seat of our sudan, and made the 1600 mile trek back across the plains to Utah.

(The morning we left, Zach's fourth birthday.)

And now, though Janae and the kids are living with my parents, I've made her a temporary single mother. I've left her all alone to the bedlam in a house full of little belam-ites. She has over a dozen violin students each week. She drives the kids back and forth to school, pre-school, dance, violin, and soccer (I'm sure I'm forgetting a few). She's playing in my Dad's orchestra and in a string quartet with her friends. On top of all of that, she's working 2 part time jobs to help us pay the bills while I'm away. Just this morning on the phone she was telling me how for the first time in over 3 months, she was able to go to the store by herself. She said it was like heaven. 

Oh my goodness, I can't believe that I'm asking so much of my wife. I am eternally indebted. She has given up her whole life for me. She has brought our three jewels into the world and given them life.

I can hardly find the words to express how much I love and cherish and thank her for all that she does and is in my life. She is so kind, so loving, so caring, so like the Savior.

I sometimes write her dorky little poems that take me way too long to put together. I can hardly get them to rhyme. Here's a bit of one that sums it all up.

Each night when I pray
I give thanks, for you,
and sense that He always knew

what my life was lacking,
what I most needed,
for what I had pleaded,

a helpmate and friend,
a partner and guide,
an angel, by my side.

Janae, I love you!! You are the love of my life. To the depths of my soul I cherish and adore you. I hope I can deserve your forgiveness for putting you through so much. I hope that I can be the kind of husband that you deserve. Thank you!! Thank you!! Thank you!!