John and Renee Pew were married on 27 October 1979 after a short (7 or 8 months) courtship. Their first child, me, was born exactly 10 months later, 27 August 1980. They had 5 more children over the next 14 years; Brian (6 April 1982), Jeffrey (22 July 1985), Katherine (still-born, delivered 10 February 1989), Bradley (24 January 1991), and Mary (21 March 1994). They were married in Oakland, California and spent most of the next 25 years in San Jose, California. In 2005--if I remember the date correctly--they moved to American Fork, Utah where they reside today.
My parents are 2 of the most pro-active people I have ever met. They never seem to stop working or giving their time to worthy causes. First among these causes is their devotion to family. Living near us in San Jose were 3 of my father's 5 siblings and his parents. We were quite the host of Pews with dozens of cousins and family get-togethers for every major and minor holiday and important event in each-others lives.
Secondly, my parents have always been very dedicated to their volunteer service in our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. From leading the organizations of men, women, young-men, young-women, and children, scouts, to organizing activities, service projects, choirs, musical pageants, and teaching early morning seminary classes 5 days a week.
Third on the list of their devotions was their employment. For most people, this would be first on their list. While it has been of extreme importance to my parents, it has been in addition to the 2 items previously mentioned. My father has followed a career in computer science including programming, authoring, and managing. I remember a time when we saw him very rarely because he was working to author a book about the then brand new computer language, Java. He was learning the language, writing a book and classes on it, all at the same time. Yet, he still found the time to have dinner with us every night and serve in the church.
My mother's profession has been the raising of her children. She has been a most dedicated and supportive and quasi-slave to her children's development, education, church experience, sports interests, music lessons, dance classes, and much, much, more. No full-time working father can ever understand and appreciate all that this kind of mother does. Being the first of her flock, I have been able to observe from the distance of my age, her mothering in action with my younger siblings. Thinking back on this now, and with the added understanding I have from observing all that my own wife does for our children, I am completely baffled at all she has accomplished. I have been extremely blessed to have such a mother.
In addition to these preeminent priorities--family, church, and employment--my parents always seem to find time for additional duties or hobbies. My father has been involved in conducting community orchestras and recently started a new one from scratch. Labeling him as solely the conductor of these orchestras is probably the understatement of the month. He is the fund raiser, the director of the board, the audition-er, the stage manager, the personel manager, the librarian, the music director, and the conductor. This could be a full-time-job, but it is in addition to all else that he is doing already. My mother is equally busy in her extra endeavors. She is forever sewing or making some craft for a friend or someone she knows, to say nothing of her endless tidying, cleaning, gardening, and scrubbing about the house. And, in the past few years, she has decided to find employment outside of the home and now works in the office of an oral surgeon 20-30 hours a week.
My parents have been stalwart examples of service, of love, of respect to all, of kindness, of faith, of diligence, of selflessness. The are always ready to work, ready to help-out, ready to say "yes" to whomever calls on them. It is very rare to hear of them turning something or someone down. It is also very rare to hear them speek of someone in a negative way. When they are around others who have difficulty talking about anything but the negative, I have noticed a very conscious effort on their parts to change the subject to something positive or uplifting. I hope that I can live up to the legacy they have and are leaving for me and the rest of their children and grandchildren. I have often thought of my parents when I have heard this short poetic excerpt.
I have wept in the night
For the shortness of sight
That to somebody's need made me blind;
But I never have yet
Felt a tinge of regret
For being a little too kind.
- Richard L. Evans
After Janae and I returned from our honeymoon in 2003, we held an Open House at my parents home in California. After the evening had ended, my father pulled me aside for a talk. We talked of the support he had given me so far in my college experience. At that time the tuition and room/board at BYU-Idaho were about the same amount. When I returned from my mission, we agreed that he would pay for one of these and I would work to pay the other. He told me that now, as I was married, he wanted me to take care of my complete educational expenses and be self-reliant. He said that if we were ever in real need, we could call on him for help. But it was time for me to step up to the plate and take it all on my own. I was 22 and more than a little nervous about this challenge. I felt a great desire to prove myself to him. I have had that feeling as long as I can remember. Maybe it has something to do with being the oldest child in the family, I'm not sure. But whatever the reason, I have worked harder than I thought I knew how since that time to never ask for any help so that I could live up to his expectations. To the best of my knowledge, I have done this in the almost 9 years that have past; that is, until now.
When Janae and I decided that it would be a good idea for me to apply for a Fulbright grant, it was with the expectation that we would be able to go on this adventure together with our children. I have known other Fulbrighters who have been able to do just that. We were blessed to receive the Fulbright. But when we read the acceptance papers more closely, we saw that very little aid would be offered for family members. If we had no children--or perhaps only one child--I think we could have managed this. But, we have three children. I won't go into all the details, but this simply would not work. A decision had to be made. Either I would have to reject the offer, or go without my family. We did not see how the second option could be possible. Where would they live? How would they have enough funds? How could I expect Janae to have to shoulder the parenting burden alone? As for the first option, we came very close to this. But, in the end, I think I would have regretted the decision all my life for what could have been. When talking with my mother about the decision, she said, "Janae and your kids can come and live with us. We will take care of them." Honestly, I had not even considered this option. But when she said it, suddenly I could see how this all might work out. Though it would still be difficult to be apart for 7-8 months, they would be with my parents, the people who I trust most of all. Additionally, Janae's parents are only 30 minutes away and have always been anxious to have her close-by again. So, with this gracious and completely selfless offer, we decided to follow through and accept the Fulbright. Now, though they have only once child left at home--my sister Mary, who is a senior in high school--their calm and perfectly taken-care-of home has become a den of wild animals; with broken trinkets, stained carpets, garbage cans filled with reeking diapers, a greatly increased decibil level, endless piles of laundry, spilled milk, spilled cereal, spilled urine, spilling tears, and a host of little greasy fingerprints on every conceivable surface. I'm sure I have only scratched the surface of the long list of new additions to their home. What makes my guilt swell all the more, is the knowledge that we in our family have, that in no other home on the planet is there a home-maker whose eye is more keen, more meticulous, more careful, more conscientious, more assiduous, more indefatigable, more all-seeing, or more all-knowing.
I'm sorry to blubber on so much in two consecutive posts, but I cannot help but thank my parents for what they are doing for me and my family. Mom and Dad, thank you! From the most tender and private regions of my heart, thank you! I wish that I was not placing this enormous burden on you, but I am incredibly grateful for your willingness to help and support us during this difficult time in our lives. As if I wasn't already in your eternal debt for being such wonderful parents, that debt has now increased exponentially. O that all children could have such parents!!!!
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