Week 18: Missa 'Musica Sacra'

This past week I finally had the opportunity to hear one of my newest pieces with real people singing the notes rather than the MIDI sounds that my computer produces. Hearing a new piece for the first time is always a little nerve racking. On the one hand, it is very exciting to finally give wings to the notes I've spent so much time starring at and moving around on 5 little lines. On the other hand, it is a very self-conscience and worrying experience like I'm revealing my insides. It can be kind of like one of those dreams where you're walking around at school in only your underwear. Luckily, this "first hearing" was very enjoyable. 

This new work, Missa 'Music Sacra', was written for our choir, the Musica Sacra Warsaw-Praga Cathedral Choir; hence the title. On the cover of the score is this picture of the Virgin Mary with baby Jesus. This is a very famous Polish painting of Mary called the "Black Madonna of Częstochowa". She, the Black Madonna, was crowned the Queen and protector of Poland in 1656 by the Polish King after a miracle where her picture was hung. She is said to be the source of multiple miracles that have occurred since that time. 

Since hearing and singing the piece this week in rehearsal, I've have come to view the title in a new way. In addition to the title being in honor of our choir, it is also a sort of manifesto--or I suppose credo is a better work in this context--on my feelings about "la musica sacra"; sacred music. Most of my musical creations that have something to do with the sacred, up to this point, have been LDS hymn arrangements. These are fine and I have enjoyed writing and performing them, but an arrangement of a pre-existing tune can be rather limiting, especially in the context of LDS worship services. I don't have anything wrong with these services or their musical requirements. But, I have been wanting to be more expressive that what is possible in that context with regard to my spiritual feelings and emotions. I decided that an original Mass setting would be a good place to try this out. An added bonus to writing a Mass is that if I do it the right way, it can be very useful to many different Christian denominations as their musical practices allow a little more freedom in worship services. If I'm going to write something about Jesus, why not share it with as many Christians as possible. 

The main reason that I decided to be a composer was because of the stirring emotions I experienced while listening and performing great pieces of music. You know that feeling when the music gets to fever pitch and then seems to explode with emotion? I'm thinking of the Hallelujah Chorus or the fuge-ing orchestral interlude in the last movement of Beethoven's 9th Symphony. I'm also thinking of the Saint-Saens organ symphony when the organ blasts open the 4th movement or the soaring string writing in Elgar's Nimrod variation from the Enigma Variations. There are many more such moments; the "Agnus Dei" in Bach's B-minor Mass, the whole St. Matthew Passion, the heart wrenching "Liebestod" at the end of Wagner's Tristan und Isolde, the climax of Barber's Adagio for Strings, and on and on and on. I wanted to learn how to make those moments happen; I still do. On Tuesday night, when we were going through the opening movement, Kyrie, I had one of those moments of musical ecstasy. I had to stop singing for a few seconds to stop my voice from choking-up. I even got a little teary. Then, it happened again in two additional movements (there are 6 in total). Everyone in the choir was so nice about the piece and applauded me as we ended rehearsal (I hope they weren't applauding because rehearsal was finally over and they didn't have to sing that music any more). I was happy that they were pleased because I was thinking of them while I wrote the piece. I hope it can be useful to them in the future and that they can feel the deep spiritual feeling that I tried to put in it. 

If anyone's interested in this topic of musical ecstasy, there is an interesting book called "Music, the Brain, and Ecstasy"; it's a very interesting read. Well, I'm completely in love with music, especially music that reaches down into my heart and squeezes. That's why I have to be a musician, I'm addicted to that feeling, I can't live without it. 

It has also been a good week because Janae came home from the hospital and is doing much better. She is having her blood checked every week for a month or 2 until they are sure she has recovered. She is also on a steroid. We feel very blessed that she recovered so quickly from what seemed like a very scary situation. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's time for you to give in to the pressure and get a Facebook account.

More next week.